More hate, more love

I've figured out why the most seemingly dysfunctional of relationships tend to last longer than the calm ones. The reason is a working modification of "Tobago love". "Tobago love" for those of you who don't know is when people who like each other act like they dislike each other for some reason or the other. Mostly because they don't want everyone knowing that they like this person and the complications that may arise out of a Tobago love scenario such as the "picong" (chastisement) that may come from others or the awkward relationship that may come out of such love.

I call it a working modification of "Tobago love" because these people are in a relationship but they are always at each other's throats. They are indeed happy together but they never seem happy. It is always a battle with them but the relationship works. The reason why it works is simple. When a person aggravates another person the aggressor stays on their mind. This person and what they have done to you works its way into your being. The catch is that this person also (supposedly) cares about you and therefore you and your lover works it out. What is left in your being is only the person because persons in such dysfunctional relationships usually cannot hold grudges for long periods of time.



When a grudge holder is engaged in one of these relationships however things usually end badly. With activities from time immemorial coming to the forefront. Little inconsequential things that were long forgotten in the mind of the non grudge holder come back to haunt them but unfortunately they can do nothing about it as the only grudge that is held in this persons mind is probably their regret for hooking up with such a person. my advice on this is, like prison, avoid such relationships.

Artee's working concept / Celestial Apology

I hate to have to admit this, geez....

Artee is right.

Now this is not in reference to reference to any of the glamorizations of love that Artee persists on posting on my site. This is in reference to conversation that we had about love. I have thought long and hard on what was said to me in that conversation. I still think that Artee is a bit too much of a romantic but there must be some truth to it.

I will not go into the explicit details of the conversation but I will share the basic sentiment. I was told that love is a choice and you must work extremely hard to achieve what you want with regard to love and that sense of personal satisfaction.

And I have come to realize that I do not work hard at all. I am not even clear what I believed with regard to love but Artee has a point. You need not only to be reminded by your partner why you love that person but you need to remind yourself. You need to make a concerted effort to keep this person in your heart and the longer you do so the easier it become. My approach to love has been flawed!

I do however believe that there is no such thing as being "in love". For in keeping with the theory that I had there is only "love". For in the infatuation stage in a relationship you are "in love". This makes it very possible to fall "out of love". For the simple nuisances that are overlooked at this stage come like a flood of reality after this stage. And if you haven't made the decision to love this person by this time the relationship is drowned.

When revelations like this hit me, I feel like a fool...
When I look back at all the mistakes I've made, it makes this no better...

I want to scream sorry to the stratosphere and hope that the celestial winds take my message of repentance to broken hearts and solace comes to those who I've hurt...

zetsubou desu...

The world is going to end...

Tomorrow!!!

OK, so no its isn't but at some point it will. I have been feeding myself with documentaries such as "Zeitgeist" and "Esoteric Agenda" over the past couple of days. I am not afraid to admit, these shows have me thinking a lot and even a bit nervous.
What has me so nervous about these shows is that there seems to be a lot of truth about them. I especially like how "Esoteric Agenda" challenges you to think for yourself with the information presented to you.
The shows more or less talk to you about how the managers of the banking industry aim to take over the world through a one world government and the implementation of smart chips. I have always taken this type of information with a grain of salt, but when a movie comes from an atheist point of view and it corroborates with biblical prophecy whilst still trying to expose religion as a cover for paganism it makes you wonder.

too lazy to finish this post...
take what you get from it...

Really Cute and Funny...

****CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE****

So the Christmas season is upon us. Now i have to admit, i have been feeling the "Christmas Spirit" since about a month ago. I know that seems pretty early considering i am a Hindu and i had Divali to look forward to, but even though i am not Christian, i absolutely love Christmas. Other than Divali, it's my favourite time of year. Even though i am a Hindu, i would consider myself more as a spiritual person than religious. I accept all religions and i believe that all have some truth to them. I believe that there is a higher power regardless of what any of us choose to call him, or her... hey u never know :)

Christmas just brings a warm, fuzzy feeling over me. I love giving gifts, especially gifts that i know the person will like. It doesn't matter what i get, but it's such a nice feeling when the person opens the gift and their face just lights up. That's why i like birthdays too. But i know that's not what Christmas is completely about. It's a time to be thankful and to celebrate the birth of Christ, and the same way the three wise men brought gifts to baby Jesus, so too we give gifts to others.

My one wish for right now is that just as i have the Christmas Spirit flowing through me, i wish that everyone in the world can feel the same as i have been feeling for the past couple of weeks, then it would mean that everyone was happy and filled with warmth and love. If only this could really happen... i can only hope.

I am eagerly anticipating Christmas and New Years also. Yes i know some people are sad when the year ends because they don't know what trouble lies ahead in the upcoming year, but the way i look at it is, you never know what absolutely fantastic things are stored either. Last year taught me alot of things and this year has taught me even more, so i can only imagine what next year will teach me. Whatever comes my way next year, i know that i have great family and really great friends and i hope that if all else changes, the relationship i have with them remains constant... Yes Vladez, you're included :)

The show must go on...

It's amazing how much one can learn in a little space of time. No, I'm not talking about cramming for a big examination. I'm talking about the ever going hands on training of life. I may have given some credit to the belief of reincarnation, if it were that you came back with the knowledge that you had from your last life in order to learn how to do it again.
Its also uncanny that sometimes you learn these lessons from the unlikeliest teachers under the the most random of circumstances. Alas, the old adage also holds true that experience or even advice often comes after an opportunity for which it is best suited has passed.
Its amazing how an amazing piece of advice can build up your confidence and then a surprising turn of events can just tear that confidence to shreds. Everything that you have worked for, pumped yourself up for, all blown to hell by an interesting revelation. Everything!!!
This seemingly has happened to me, though I will not be deterred. Even though the theater has burned down I will still dance, and though there is none in the crowd, I will still still bow after the performance is finished because this is my show and I will not let hell fire nor high water stop it.



Alas, no one enjoyed the performance. And i felt like a fool dancing in front of no crowd.

What do you think of...

Have you ever looked at someone and wonder how they see them self? Or have you ever wondered how people look at you. We all keep pictures of ourselves in our minds and sometimes those pictures really differ from what we actually are to other people. My mind runs to a friend of mine who thinks he is suave with the ladies, and the life of the party. And he is, in his mind of course. This is not to say that he is quite a cool person to lime with but the fact that he tries to live up to who he is in his mind really actually makes him less cool than he could actually be. There is another case of this girl I know, who in her mind, seems to be not as popular as everyone else and even though she is quite an attractive person her image of herself could really hamper her interactions with persons.

This brings me to myself, I would love to see me as others see me, but alas I cannot. There are some times, though that I do things that I feel that I am actually looking on at myself doing what I am doing and I think, why am I doing this? Its an amazing out of body type of experience that words cannot express and you may only be able to comprehend if you have experienced this yourself.

Then there is the situation whereby what someone tells you affects your self perception. The unfortunate thing about this circumstance is that the negative usually wins over and you being to eat away at yourself over what ten unimportant naysayers have told you about yourself over the one positive person's remarks about you. Even one simple misunderstanding between words communicated have the power to ruin someone's day, and maybe even existence. Talk about life and death being in the power of the tongue!

We all have been guilty however, knowing or unknowingly, of telling someone something that has penetrated their soul's armour and pierced their soul's core. We must all live on because our lives do have purpose. It is not a bad thing to possess that level if arrogance that if someone were to say something bad to you it would really not matter to you. In the case of some they may even use those negative comments as petrol to fuel their ambitions, but few in existence have been ordinaned theirself mentally to achieve such feats.

And none who ever walked the earth (save Jesus) have never let another person get them down.

Introduction, Prank of nature and Christmas is coming

Addition of ARTEE

Don't you hate after the matter introductions, she's made 2 posts already...

In everything in life there must be balance. That's why I've decided to make the addition of ARTEE as a poster to my site. Artee is the antithesis of the latter part of the name of my blog who also seems to have quite a happy outlook on life. so everyone welcome ATREE as a contributor to the show.

About writing

It always seems like I have to world of things to post about until i actually sit down in front of my computer. I feel likened to the poet that only whilst driving, swimming or finding him/herself in some very involved activity is granted a combination of words but unfortunatly is in no position to put pen to paper. I also have been granted, through the giftings of nature, the memory capacity of a crainal injury victim. So when i am gifted with a combination of letters that if repeated in the right circumstance would win me a pulitzer prize or at least entry into the heart of an unfound true love (explaination of this term is for a whole other post, preferably during a period of happy sadness), I often find myself dropping the baton. (Thanks a lot nature)

Winding down the year

I always seem to have more energy at the start of the year than at the end. And its approaching that time of the year where only ham and chow chow, a fovourate glass of sorrel and ginger beer mixed together, and dreams of sugar plums (said sarcastically) could recharge my batteries. Come quick oh sweet coporate rapefest placed under the guise of a formerly pure holiday where if i were to give family members of mine clothes stitched by me they would appreciate it the same, if not more, than if it were stitched by some chinese/mexican child who was paid a dollar and then a popular brand label was stuck to it.



Though I must say, keep up the good work in the sweathouses kids...

Definition of a Kiss of true love...

It's that moment when you first kiss someone,
And everything around you becomes hazy,
And the only thing in focus is you and this person,
And you know this is the only person you were supposed to kiss for the rest of your life,
And at this one moment you get this amazing gift,
And you want to laugh,
And you want to cry,
Because you're lucky that you've found it,
And scared it will all go away at the same time...

(Taken from the movie: Never Been Kissed)

Love... (Through a girl's eyes)

Never say i love you,
If you don't really care.
Never talk of feelings,
If they aren't really there.
Never hold my hand,
If you mean to break my heart.
Never say forever,
If you ever plan to part.
Never look into my eyes,
If you are telling me a lie.
Never say hello,
If you think you'll say goodbye.
Never say i'm the one,
If you dream of more than me.
Never lock up my heart,
If you don't have the key...

zetsubou desu!!!

Random ramble

One of my favourite emotions is sadness. Now don't get me wrong I'm not one of those "emo" wierdos or anything who spend their whole day moping about wishing that a bus would hit them or they would just spontaneously combust.

I, actually, would be feeling sad about something and you wouldn't even know that i were sad. It's almost paradoxical because sometimes being sad would make me happy. But not every time I'm happy is caused by sadness. Its safer to say actually that i am more "happy happy" than "sad happy" because if i were more "sad happy" than "happy happy", it would be sad. I don't even think i would be happy about that.

There is a liberation to taking a "me against the world" approach but even I, who would like to take on the world, would bet against anyone who decides to take on the world by his/her self.

A thought on friendship

Its amazing how when you're there for people they sometimes never seem to be there for you. Especially when you are going through exactly what they were going through and you actually played an active part in the maintenance of their sanity whilst they made it through.

Maybe their hesitation is due to the fact that they have suppressed the memory of the hell that they had gone through whilst in the same position you find yourself in now but I would like to think that as friends (if we indeed call ourselves that) we could rise above and relive hell. Especially since you'll have someone's hand to hold while going through that hell.

We however should never let our own current circumstance adjust your disposition towards an ailing friend (or stranger even). You may even find that dealing with your friend's current situation may prove to be a pleasant distraction from your own. And your own smaller situation may fizzle out.
(written especially for a friend)

the reason!!

I find myself doing yet another thing that I swore to myself i would never do. And I am doing this as I type. The words "I would never blog, its ridiculous" is resounding in my mind.
I'm a pseudo writer. I only write when I'm distressed. So guess why I am writing?

Distressed about what?

I don't even know.

Ok. I do know but do not wish to share.

Ok. I will share. Its always about a girl. But you will get no details from this loser who is wallowing in self pity because he wants who he cannot have and who gave up the one who wanted him, so now he is all alone to contemplate where the intricate game of chess that is life went wrong.

My guess is that it went wrong where the fellow who thought he was a king realized that he was a pawn. The irony to this situation is that both can only move one space and the queens who he was playing with were always three moves ahead of him, and they are not the same colour as him, so checkmate buddy.

Start a blog...